The chill of days gone by.
As I sit here on this chilly January day, I am reminded of how I felt when my relationship started to falter. Less daily communication via text or call when working, the terseness in conversation , the new focus he had of always having his cell near him, the lack of intimacy even though we still shared a bed.
I felt cold, and despite my trying to get him to talk, to strike interest in his interests, make him laugh anything it was like being with a cold stone statue.
It has been a few years now since we split up. I have had a few dates but nothing that lasted long term. With Covid-19 and being isolated at home dating is no longer on the table for me. I am okay with this. In fact I find if someone asked me if I was happy I do say yes. I love my apartment, decorated with all of the little things that make me smile. Plants do wonders!
Netflix and Disney+ (yes I love Star Wars lol) have been my regular companions. I do keep in touch with friends and co-workers via zoom ,calls and texts and try to stay away from social media. The toxicity that has grown on Facebook, Twitter and other sites is sadly not surprising. Racism and self-centeredness has always been a thing , just bubbling under the surface.
Still there are days when my apartment feels cold and I am reminded of him. Am I lonely? Maybe a little. So I boil the kettle, grab a large cozy blanket and curl up on the sofa with a book and the remote. As I look out the window I see snow flakes and shudder a little more. My laptop is on the coffee table, almost beckoning me to log on . So I do.
Facebook, ugh so much drivel and rhetoric, the insanity in the Capital just a couple days ago again sadly not surprising. Oh memories… this should be good. Pictures of him and I. I thought we were happy.. turns out he wasn’t and the affair he had was in its beginning stages then. I heard he isn’t even with her. She should thank her lucky stars only 5 months of heartache to recover from. I say 5 months since that is when I caught him and walked away.
Let’s see what she is doing, hmmm not as many blissful posts, mostly BLM and defund the police posts. Okay…before I start creeping her profile, it is time to log off . I really should disable my account. Wait, there is a couple messages. My friends know not to message me through here, I am rarely on it and removed the app from my phone. One is from a high school friend and the other is from… him. “Merry Christmas, Hope you are well.”
Ugh…it has been what? Over two years since we last communicated? Yep.. time to log off.
